A few weeks ago, I put on a favorite t-shirt, looked at my reflection in the mirror and (because I love me some drama) gasped at what I saw.
I had three tiers of boobs on my torso.
OK, not really. I hadn’t turned into a mammal with 3 pairs of udders. But beneath my actual boobs were two more lumps that made me look like I had a salbabida (lifesaver) around my ribcage and a giant fanny pack under it.
I have been slightly overweight for years. (The term ‘slightly’ is relative, for my body fat percentage might be equivalent to that of two Kate Mosses and one Posh Spice.) But I had managed to fake a better figure by wearing lots of black and coyly waving away offers to sit on low chairs because that’s when the Rice Terraces of Titabudsland appear. This was different: even when standing, I had bulges and lumps in the wrong places. The Michelin Man had nothing on me.
Sorry, has. Right now, I am physically in the worst shape of my life. I don’t mean just the shape shape either — this is also the unhealthiest I’ve felt ever.
Last Christmas, I spent more time nursing my aching joints than shopping for gifts. I slept through New Year’s Eve and most of New Year’s Day, trying to tamp an inflated blood pressure, scared that I would die of an aneurysm. Last year, hypertension also caused me to miss girls’ nights out, dates with the Mr., and trips to our hometown. And I still cringe when I remember how an asthma attack kept me inside our hotel in Parma for two of our three days there. There I was in the gustatory capital, wheezing my lungs out, while Luigi or Carlo handed out samples of prosciutto and Parmigiano-Reggiano a few shops away.
The day after New Year’s, on the 12-hour trip back from our hometown, I thought of all those times my own body played the Grand Killjoy and
decided resolved (it is the new year after all) that I will no longer allow it to. Let’s just say that finally, Vanity, Fear and Frustration have joined forces to push my butt off the cushy chair that has been the center of my sedentary life for so long.
I was never one for New Year’s resolutions but I have this now: To get healthy and fit and to do it sensibly. I’d been reading a couple of health and fitness books and yesterday I started what seems to be a good, workable program. I am now determined to make Drs. Oz and Roizen, Ellie Krieger, and Just Dance for wii my best friends this year. I’m sure Renee and Ivy will also continue to inspire me with the way they have incorporated fitness into their lives and have fun with it.
So wish me luck. This is the first time I am seriously setting a health & fitness goal for myself so I hope you also have tips to share. I am excited about making these lifestyle changes and am already looking forward to gaining more energy for everything I want to do. What a relief it’ll be to lose the nagging feeling that I’m about to pop a major blood vessel and die, hahaha. And I am giddy with the thought that I might be *ahem* toned enough in the summer for no-black outfits, and to confidently sink into the lowest easy chair even in a roomful of shutter-happy friends. 😀
Have a happy, healthy new year, everyone!